Last Blog for 2008

This will be the last blog for this year. So much has happened in the past year. Our lives have done a series of flip flops in the last 4 months. Finally we have lodged our paperwork for residency in New Zealand. The papers were delivered to the Hamilton branch of Immigration New Zealand on the 12th December 2008 and I was admitted to hospital on the 17th for breast cancer surgery. I am still waiting for the results from the laboratory so I am unsure as to what our plan of attack will be for the New Year. I have begun the 2nd stage of recovery and exercise to regain the use of my arm. Today I managed to hang out my wash on the washline. Great achievement!
Well Happy New Year to everyone for 2009! Good riddance to all the bad things of 2008. My annus horribilus? no we have had worse years, just coz this one ended on an off-key tone doesn,t mean we will just write off the whole year. Some good has come from it! We are in a wonderful space right now, loving the way of life and our two precious granddaughters Jennifer and Rebecca who are the light in my life right now.
Yes I have a challenging year ahead and I know it will be just that - a fearsome challenge. I have God in my corner fighting my battle for me and giving me the strength I need to live in this new year! Le Chaim! I say, "To life!"

Well here I go! This is my fight for life!

It has been slmost a week since my last post. In the last few days my life has been changed radically and I am preparing for more changes. To everything there is a season and this season is full of surprises. I have gone from acceptance and depression to acceptance with the fight in me stirred up. I will beat this. I have to. I have never won on the lottery because I don't believe in lotteries. I have never won at a casino for the same reason. I have been saving my win for this!!! All the challenges I have faced are culminating in this one. Big and Scary but I am not afraid of dying. I am afraid of not living to see my dreams realised in the lives of my granchildren. I HAVE to be there for them. Jennifer gave me the will to fight when I nearly lost the fight to encephalitis and tickbite fever and now both these gorgeous girls have my heart firmly in their hands. then there is still my tiny unborn grandchild. Whar's not to live for and not to fight for?
I can do this. I must do this. With God I WILL DO THIS!

Now I know

Now I get it! I am tired for a reason..... I am NOT just lazy! The pathology is back and the lump is cancerous. Ductal Carcinoma to be exact. The specialists rooms have moved my appointment forward to the 9th of December instead of the 18th and my DH wants me to pack a bag so I can go in immediately if i can be fitted into the surgeon's schedule. Like everything with us there is no time for reflection.... all rush rush rush! Watch this space.

Why so little blogging?

This week I have been thrown a curve ball! The little cyst that wasn't. I had a GP attempt to drain a little fluid off that cyst remember? Well so much for that exercise. Not a drop of liquid of any sort was found. So off to the womans' hospital it was for a scan which confirmed that there was no fluid in the mass. Yup the lump was classified as a mass. So off to the imaging centre for round two and three! I endured the pain of my poor painful breast being squeezed 3 times, then I had to face my next biggest discomfort. A biopsy! I wasn't expecting this at all. When I left for the clinic that morning I had a cyst for goodness sake! Now I don't know whether I have nasties hiding in there or just a dramatic lump! So now I, or should I say we, wait. I keep myself as busy as I can so I don't think and wonder how I am going to cope with doing my housework with my left hand for the weeks after the lump is removed? No matter whether it is nasty or nice the lump will have to go and that will mean recovery and no use of my right arm until I have healed . Well, we shall wait and see.... until Tuesday when I know what the result of that test is...... I will wait patiently, or atleast I will try to.

I am tired!

Whyam I so tired today? My energy is gone, I am falling asleep while sitting up straight! I never do this! What happened to the woman that lived here last week? Did I trade her or did she flee when she saw these boxes arriving? I was so happy at the prospect of having my sewing machines, my keyboard and my guitar at last! soon however, reality has struck. I have no room in this place for all the boxes, nor can I store them in the garage ..... there isn't one! I can't unpack all of the boxes some are stacked too high for me to get to and the ones I can reach have books and computers etc in them which need to be placed on desks and tables..... but some of the heavier boxes are infront of or on top of these. So what can I do? I am so exhausted with wrestling sumo sized boxes that I have no energy to do a thing. I have to get a move on quick smart so that I can get my life back!

So. Finally our goods are here. once more i am surrounded by my familiar things..... cardboard cartons! The larger items have been unpacked for me and the heavy items moved into the places I had designated for them... well most of them, anyway. 50 odd boxed items remain, well, a mystery really. They take up so much room and in order to get them in order I shall have to carry out each box and check it to see whether the contents are needed immediately. One LITTLE problem I am 5' exactly and some of these cartons are 4' or thereabouts. They weigh roughly the weight of 2 sumo wrestlers and by the time I have wrestled one box off the top of another and dropped it onto my toes, I am too knackered to move a muscle never mind unpack and repack the box!
Any suggestions.... Please don't suggest I put them in the spare room.... uhm they are in the spare room and that spare room is also my office and sewing room and scrapping room and quilting room. So don't expect that I will be able to face too many boxes. On top of all this today I have to keep a doctors appointment that I have been putting off for a month. Well, how would you face up to a cyst in your breast being drained with a sharp needle in the surgery? Ok so I am a ninny and pain is for the heroes.
watch my blog. I promise to tell if we hurt each other. (the doc and I)

Today Is..... a BIG THING!

Today is a day of working and waiting! I am waiting for our furniture to arrive from South Africa and having to work at putting all the newly acquired things into different rooms so that our own things can take pride of place when they arrive. The furniture has been in storage since May 2008
Which makes almost 6 months!!! Can't believe how quickly time has flown!!! So much has happened in 6 months. The thing that got me thinking today was how often something big in our lives is preempted by work and then waiting. The birth of a baby.... 9 months of work... then waiting! Leaving school..... years of work and preparation and then studies and the waiting to find the BIG thing. The one thing that sparks your inspiration and gets you excited enough for your future. Marriage.... waiting and then working on the relationship. once married you wait and work again at the relationship as it changes. Babies, teenagers, adults. We all experience these cyclic changes and even in our spiritual life. Once we've been called as followers of our Lord Jesus Christ, we work towards making ourselves to be like Him. and the wait begins for His Second coming! Now that will be a really big thing for me!

Hey where did the day go?

Today has been another vastly different day from what I had planned! My original plan was to be a domestic goddess for the day and to tend to my own health requirements by seeing my MD at 12 and my social commitments included visiting a friend and partying with another friend...... well that was the plan.... BUT....
My day started with a midnight drive across to Hamilton where my VERY pregnant daughter went into a mild labour at 11pm and then called me in case it escalated and I ran out of time to cross from Ngatea to Hamilton ( about one and a half hours drive) I arrived at a little after midnight to find the process somewhat slowed and my daughter quite exhausted. We all turned in at about 2 am and slept til 5am when she was woken with more contractions slightly stronger and more intense in their spacing. It is now almost mid-day and still no baby. This is very normal as it can take a while foir everything to get to speed.... but when I stopped to look at the clock I wondered where the day went.
When this new little girl comes into the world what will I tell her about her birth? Actually I think the most memorable moment will be the one where I look into her little eyes and connect my soul to hers forever. It will no longer matter what I did with the day.... it'll be an eternal memory in my life because she lives. She will be my marker for this day. We look forward to holding you Rebecca Jane, won't you come out to play?

how did this happen?

Here I am at 46.... well, very nearly and I'm gonna be a Gramma again for the 3rd time. Yes I do know how THAT happened. What I don't get is why I am only finding myself at 46?! When I was a teenager I knew it all, and experienced it all (or so I thought!) and lapped it all up like a thirsty puppy. Then I put my life on hold for 26 years. I got married and had 3 babies in as many years. I adored being a mom. I adored nurturing them and being there for them but now I have left them all to their own devices...... and do you know what? They can do it without me! I don't have to juggle all the balls anymore. I am free to be me. I am free to enjoy my life again and have my own interests and hobbies. To love my children and their respective spouses and to spoil my grandchildren silly! I love being almost 46 and young enough to soak up those magic moments that you never expect to see at 30 when life is work and work is another four letter word.
Yesterday I gave myself the day off. A day to craft, a day to chat with new friends (and old ones =))
I love my Life and I am etenally grateful Lord for all the blessings you have given me so far.

New start

Today is another new start for me! We have been in New Zealand now for almost three months and we are settling in and LOVING it. I have found there are many things I need to put down in text so this is it..... WATCH THIS SPACE......